Dream Worrier!💗[24-11-23]
🤍🎧Slice of Life🍷Confessional🍷Musings🎧🤍
If you like your newsletters without politics or preconceptions or seeking a break from the norm you may have just found your new hangout.x
Dear Chasers💗
It takes a nightmare crossing over into reality to get me out of bed before ten am in the morning. I had a strange dream, a recurrent dream that I’ve had before. This dream followed the same routine as the last time I’d had it and in my waking state I tried to determine how to continue sleeping and possibly navigate the ongoing dream.
I couldn’t recall whether the dream was just another dream of the same kind or if it was based on an event in real life. I tossed and turned. My partner asked what’s going on, reminding me it’s a bit early and to go back to sleep. I told him, I’m dreaming a shitty dream and told him the basis of it being around him leaving me for another woman again but It’s fine because I have a large order of drinking mugs coming in through the door.
Then ridiculously, I shared with him my REM concerns. I want to sleep, so I can deal with this uncomfortable dream. I’ve had it before…. Wait for it… “or did this happen in real life?” I asked, still sleepy. The whole room caved in on me with the sound of his loud laughter and angry response to it. He shouted and boomed in my back about how fucking stupid I am to think he’d left me in real life. Never giving a definitive answer.. so , my still puzzled half-asleep head is still struggling to work it out and considering the truth.
It was one of those weird riddles that was driving me back into dream and pushing me up into reality. I really didn’t know the answer. Then his half cackling, mocking me, laughing like a fucking chimpanzee and half angry shouting at me. I jumped up and thought fuck this. As soon as I was climbing over him and out of the bed, my life came back to the forefront and I figured the dream had been a dream BASED ON.. previous Dreams.
- ALL OF MY DEMONS HAVE WITHERED AWAY - Lyrics from Demon by Fatboy Slim
Here is an 1.5 hour MUSIC mix I curated based on today’s theme.
We bickered - I was up and awake and looked at the clock on my desk. It read 9:55 am - not bad going to be up before 10:00 am I thought - he carried on mocking me with faux humour and unnecessary anger. I stood my ground that it was ‘only a question’ to which he replied “shut up or I’ll leave you for another woman again hahahahahahhahah” ‘Grrr..’ I retorted from the toilet in the bathroom next door “it’s no problem I’ve traded you in for a batch of mugs” (meaning the drinking mugs from my dream but playing on the words) unknown to me I was giving a better comeback remark against me than he did.
Fast forward to now; I’m sitting comfortably on the sofa, laptop knee, sipping coffee and slowly writing the stress out of me. Into the room he comes bounding over, ruffling my hair, kissing my head, stroking my arm… nice? I AM TRYING TO TYPE… he isn’t being so nice as it sounds. He is deliberately distracting me from my work. I don’t know why he loves to wind me up.
It makes me think about my reactions more than I should. Just saying to him “Look mate, the words don’t just fall from my fingertips when I am typing. I need to think. If I lose my train of thought, which is usually missing a few carriages as it is, then I lose the words I am trying to say”.
Then I realise how bloody lucky I am to be in a position where I am in the company of the most gorgeous looking man, who has the best banter and is he really annoying me or should I appreciate him more than I do. This is playful, annoying, yet probably his way of apologising for being mean about my dream.
I already had my first cigarette of the day. I enjoyed seeing the frosty mist in the street, on parked cars, condensation on iron gates and the warm breath from my nose and mouth tangible in front of me. It certainly feels more like Christmas than any Christmas has felt for such a long time. I know it’s nowhere near that time of year. Sometimes, a whole month feels like two weeks, the first week and the last, nothing between.
It’s so contradictory that the first breath of fresh air I take into my lungs is swiftly followed by an incessant need for the cigarette that bleeds between my fingers. I never did keep my promise to God. I ended up quitting smoking for five years, ages 16-21 when me and Granddad smoked a joint together to celebrate my 21st birthday. It was a good day. Granddad wasn’t a weed smoker naturally but I am sure he must have dabbled back in the swinging 60’s because he didn’t choke much on his first (and only) toke. I loved my Granddad so much. I miss him terribly. I don’t miss weed.
My Granddad introduced me to the world of Freddy Kruger and other 1984 horror movies. That I called films and he called ‘pictures’ like “shall we watch a picture love?”. It wasn’t my granddad who allowed me to watch Nightmare on Elm Street when I was five years old. I watched it with delight. It was my Dad's idea to ‘set me up in his box room office’ and let me watch some VHS films. I loved Freddy Kruger.
Yes, I happened to have an overactive imagination and for the entire week or fortnight afterwards, I would run and jump onto the bed afraid he could be underneath it. I also had terrible nightmares that weren’t under my control. I didn’t suffer. Just ended up getting out of bed earlier… like today… win-win situations. I always sleep too much anyway. I have always been hard to get to bed (not always! lol) and even harder to get to wake up!
My favourite Nightmare on Elm Street was number three. Dream Warriors. Now, I’m a dream worrier haha!
I just happened to Google what Freddy was a metaphor for and surprisingly, he is meant to represent Child Neglect & Subconscious Fears. According to Robert Englund, Freddy is supposed to represent the children's neglect at the hands of their apathetic parents and their own personal subconscious fears.
Welcome to my world… bitches..x!! See you soon!
Thank you for reading me this morning! BIG soft Warm HUGS Lots of Love ..xxx💗
