š"Everything & Nothing is Real"š
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Wednesday 6 May 2026
Dear Chasers!..x
I really ought to check in with you more often. Itās mornings like this where I wake up on the couch, freezing cold with a stiff neck and think āOMG what a beautiful fucking life I live! WOW I should share some of this epic shit with my tribe on Substack!ā Then I remember why, when and how I got there.
It seems to be a running theme between us that during the night we fight each other in our sleep. Itās like the daily lovers have decided to clock off shift and theyāre replaced by monsters drunk on hate who take their position to ward each other off super seriously, and when we wake or stir, theyāre ready with fangs out.
Sleep goggles should be the term used for how we perceive our partners subconsciously in the dark. Last nightās qualm, from his side, was that heād asked me to turn over to face the wall because his leg was numb from sleeping the other way. Apparently, Iād refused ābecause I was fast asleepā he told me!.
So he knew I was still sleeping yet decided to lay into me verbally because I had disobeyed him! Please forgive me for being a bit bias here but isnāt that kind of cruel at worse and pointless at best? Why not try to wake me up? or shove me over in the desired direction? I know Iām a unit and heās no Eddie Hall but surely he could have tried to push me instead of slyly pushing my bloody buttons!
Sitting perched on the side of the bed in the middle of the night, slagging someone off using their hair colour as a weapon isnāt the most effective way to get their attention. Itās pretty sad. I donāt know what kind of things he mightāve said if I hadnāt woke up hearing my name being hissed in my ear followed by āI hate you, youāre a horrible fat-slag!ā.
So glad to have not missed his affectionate endearing compliments which were purged from his stunted primal artillery immediately after him realising that I was now able to register every insult. Heād managed to dig up a 2024 belter of an insult, hadnāt heard it thrown about in years. āYouāre a Whopperā he laughed until I told him that āif I was, heād be the Salad on top!ā.
I wasnāt at all sure why this was happening or what had pissed him off at the time but there was no chance of me slipping back into my peaceful slumber with that prick chanting over his shoulder at me all night. I dived out of bed (quite literally because my ankle got caught in the duvet sending me traversing head first almost down into the skirting board).
It could have a been a lot worse than a cold night on the couch if the bedroom wall hadnāt jumped out just at the right time for me for me to grab hold of and save me from a fall, not to mention a trip to the A&E department with a broken conk or shattered elbow knowing how hard Iād land! Itās not unusual for walls to spring out of nowhere and surprise me, or cave in on me, mostly metaphorically.
He is snoring soundly in the bed now (and has been doing since about 3 seconds of me having evicted myself) he was happily farting and mumbling peacefully and oblivious to my āslummingā dilemma on the sagging sofa. Iām not holding any animosity towards him though but I canāt help thinking that it is very ābigā of me to remain chipper about it this morning, when my spirit animal wants to EAT the fuck out of his!
So here we are and that was me. Two new things have happened to me:
I have lost my muse (āEverything & Nothing is Realā). Itās not a sad loss. I sort of let go of him and released him back into the wild as a gesture of good will. It wonāt take him long to get thrifted by someone half his age who would always look up to him as a safe space or something else more amusing for me to fathom.
I still cling on to what once was a friendship of sorts but thatās funnier and more āunrealā than the idea of a 40 odd year old taking interest in a 24 year old and seriously contemplating them as an equal partner! Iām not saying the age gap is an inadequate match. Iām just stating the obvious fact that its a bit lopsided in terms of experience and / or expectations. What do I know? probably a lot less than any 20 year old - and thatās exactly my point. Weāre in completely different stages (eras even?) or our lives! No? Just me then.
My schizophrenic mind boggles (more than usual) at the absurdity of it all. Itās not just MY jealousy or because Iām a cantankerous old crank either (I AM -admittedly- LOL) but thatās by the by. If I met a 20 odd year old guy and got together, Iād be mocked by society. Hearing me saying āthis is my partnerā people would think partner for what? Is he like unpopular student and Iām this unremarkable and evidently reluctant substitute life coach tutor?
Iām actually getting excited about bringing out some paperback books. Essay Collections on Amazon. Iāll obviously let you know where they are and drop a link when the time comes. I just wonāt be trying to sell them to you. I canāt be arsed with all that marketing malarkey and hustle culture. Fuck that! I only want to get them publishable / available for print so that I can get them into more hands (a wider audience) and Iāll buy myself a copy of them so that way I can āhold the whole word in my handsā *sings like in a school assembly hall* It would be very nice to get some kind of grip on MY life.
BONUS: This other new thing isnāt personal to me but it has prompted me to push myself along and do everything I said in 2. (above). Thereās a NEW UK LEGISLATION been approved and activated on 30 April 2026. That gives disabled and unemployed people the āRight To Tryā in employment, this applies to people hoping to work as self employed (again or first time experiences), without automatic restrictions being put on your current source of income or termination of entitlement to assistance from the Government.
There are some limitations to possible earnings and this wonāt be an indefinite arrangement but the previous system didnāt allow room for a test-run at taking an opportunity if one arises for getting (back) into employment. It was never an option before and there was no protection for people making a choice to try working, self employed or otherwise, if for whatever reason it didnāt pan out. It would have been financial suicide to to take a chance on a career to discover you are (still) capable or earning only to find out that youāre unable or for it to fail.
The only challenges standing in my way to get my paperback(s) available to read on Amazon (KDP) for print and purchase are:
Passport: I need a new one to verify my identity. I was told not so long ago by my partner that he was NOT going to ALLOW me to buy one. It didnāt seem justifiable to him at that time. Now that my financial status is slightly more secured and protected by said Legislation. It does seem a viable option to him also he requires a new passport for a project he intends to try so of course ānow its fineā.
The turnaround for receiving my new passport is quite lengthy. Iām happy to wait - also I donāt have a choice at the minute. It takes even more time to get it if I havenāt got the money to start the renewal/application process yet! Which is where I am at the moment.
PC: I havenāt got one! To format my book for KDP I need to have Microsoft Word, or the MAC equivalent. Iād have to use the free templates as a guide and upload my document as a word doc, docx, or something else. None of which are accessible to me on my Chromebook. Iām just waiting for some of our finances to get freed up.
Procrastination / Perfectionism: One minute I canāt bring myself to the screen, the moment I do, I canāt stop āeditingā the few thousands words that Iāve already written. Mind-numbingly tinkering with the formatting (which will have to be reformatted for Amazon so all this faffing about seems useless in the long run for the book project).
Iām treating this manuscript as another āupcomingā PDF in āThe Document Seriesā. The PDF download will be completely free on here across all my Substack publications publically for everyone. Iām especially excited to show all of my wonderful followers & subscribers what it is Iāve been working on and I hope itās worth the wait.
Hereās the rest of the PDFās Iāve already sent out to Subscribers this year.
If you are new here please feel wanted here (I wish somebody would say that to me but it sounds daft doesnāt it?) let me rephrase that in my Old English Esquire accent āIt is with great honor and my pleasure to invite to you join me on substack in any which way you may desireā. haha! Thank youā¦xxx
Kind-Regards,
..your mate Chasey! ..x
