💌"Happiness! Remember?"💌 -Chasey Delaney (Updates) Cheeky Letter [20.11.25] & [22.11.25] A New Lifestyle Routine. +FREE PDF (I'm reading).x
FREE PDF: Kathy Acker - Empire of The Senseless. INCLUDES:: Closing Thoughts Voicemail and a relatively 'upbeat' letter chewing on junk-food thoughts & reflecting.
Thursday 20 November 2025
“If you like your newsletters without politics or preconceptions or seeking a break from the norm you may have just found your new hangout”
NOTE: THIS LETTER MAY BE TOO LONG TO SEE IT ALL IN YOUR INBOX. TO VIEW IT IN IT’S ENTIRETY YOU MAY NEED TO OPEN IT IN YOUR BROWSER OR ON THE APP.
THURSDAY 20 NOVEMBER 2025
Dear Chasers..x
A Little Heads-Up: The first part of this letter from 20 November is quite rough, I sound like a bitch and feel like a dick “that’s what she said!”.. No, but seriously, I don’t want you to think I’m only like that! Hear me out as I write tonight on 22 November (addressed to you below as ‘Dear Readers’ and you will see I’m not all cat claws and furry teeth, I’m quite nice and like a deer caught in the headlights - giving life the good fight. I love you, Stay Safe. Wish You Health & Happiness: Hope you enjoy this chunker! (not just me, the massive letter too!! LOL :))
Brrrr… It’s Baltic outside tonight! Manchester City Centre feels like Siberia and I’m so glad to be inside wrapped up like a fucking Samosa with Lola on the sofa (Poetry Not-Intended).
I seen Lola do a visible fart in back in the back garden earlier, a silver puff of steam in the air that vanished faster than my eyebrows do whenever I dye my hair. It brought to mind one of Billy Connolly’s jokes from a long time back in the day about farts and how we’d be mortified if people could see them, like if they were the purple in colour! People walking about doing their shopping blowing purple smoke from their arses like puff ‘The-Purple-fucking-Dragon’ . Billy Connolly is about 82 years old now and from as far as I can see is still the true, comedic, absolute gentleman he always was.
He knew how to make people laugh with just the right about of decency, decorum and the downright humanity it takes to express ourselves or exaggerate our words with bad language without fear of offending the people who he intends to entertain, I woudl love just an ounce of that ability but I’m just a cunt, not a funny ‘lady’ or a likable person, just a miserable, moaning old battleaxe! LOL. My heart is in the right place.
My point is that even the most lovable rouge in the world knows when to let their best side shine, and I don’t. I get things wrong most of the time, missing social cues, or reading too deep behind their disguise, never-mind reading between the lines, I unravel the lines of the T’s and uncurling the dots of the I’s, I can sense venom or bad intention like a blind rat senses danger, only difference is the rat will run toward the light whereas I turn to darkness.
I might have made the last part of that Billy Connolly joke up (the bit about the dragon at least), it vaguely rings a bell but still, I’m a little unsure. It’s true how our brains can create false memories and trick us into believing them. I mean, I thought I remembered making a promise to myself to keep these letters here very clean and void of foul language. Now it seems that I’ve changed my mind a bit and currently thinking like: “Fuck it!… if people like to read about me, surely they won’t mind the delivery of it either” - that said, I am hurt but not seething after losing a subscriber.
I can’t pinpoint where they unsubscribed from to figure out the probably cause, so all I do is pull my big girl pants up and take my own ‘fence! ..I can only say how sorry I am if this offends you, and you’re still here for me, that is not even on the radar of my end intentions. I may lose more people this way, it may have had nothing to do with me why they left in the first place anyway - I am just buzzing to have noticed so many of you have stayed. There’s always room for new faces to join us on the sub-sides still!
I’m not being brash under any influences, like, I’m not drunk (I don’t drink at this point in my life - not ruling the odd neat JD in a cold glass - sometime far off in the future!), and not twisted on drugs or innately intoxicated, deluded, insane, or extremely fucking excited either… I’m just sick of feeling like shit all the time and not filtering any of it out. If I can’t filter my own mouth about serious stuff then I should just say it how it is.
I’m sort celebrating the loss of another subscriber! That’s two this month, and I’m delighted because they were pissing off the tumbleweeds being around us so much! In commemoration for their loss, I would just like to say that I couldn’t give a flying toss what has caused them to sod off, I’m just genuinely delighted they did it now rather than later NB: I DON’T KNOW WHO THEY WERE THIS IS NOT ANYTHING PERSONAL ;) & I’m not really celebrating just masking the ‘pain’ of possibly upsetting people, by writing more stuff that will probably upset people! duh!
I am a bit upset by them leaving, so I guess its me who is offended really. I see people leaving and I go one of two ways, the first is to withdraw back into my shell and pray the world and universe to leave me be for weeks, or I climb out of it stand on my shells and tap-dance to sad songs until I feel well enough to just forget about it and let it go.
Just going from memory, It’s like Oscar Levant once said, ‘the more I look at you, the more lonely I’d like to be!’
Personal News:
I had an experience on the tram the other day that I thought would never happen to me.
IF life slows down a fraction, if I get time, I might drop 💌 randomly around my other Substacks too but mostly -it’ll be on here: THE DAILY CHASE my ‘almost daily’newsletter.🤞:
Previously here at Chasey Delaney (Updates):
SUBSCRIBE SO YOU CAN’T GO WRONG, DON’T MISS ME RANDOMLY CHECKING IN WITH YOU AS ‘DAILY’ AS I CAN MAKE IT...(still haven’t started so SUB in advance!) also many thanks! A BIG THANK YOU! ..x Best wishes,!! x Thanks for taking time to read this! & for subscribing to this OG publication: Chasey Delaney (Updates) too.💌x
SATURDAY 22 NOVEMBER 2025
Dear Readers!
Notice the new salutation? Its only new-to-me of course but it sits well as a nicer approach since I have turned over a new twig (as opposed to the whole tree, as yet).
I guess life gives us lessons and most of the time we learn the hard way because it’s those hardest moments which are apparently there to teach us something. I’m not entirely sure what that’s all about and I’m not thinking very scientifically when I say this, but one thing is for sure, I’ve got to deal with what life is throwing at me this time because, other than running away from it all (something I’ve never wanted to do) I wouldn’t get what I want by turning my back on it if that makes sense; I have to face my problems head on. Well, sort of a bit of both.
I’ve been going through it with our dog displaying slight ‘behavioural patterns’ which are a bit of an anxiety trigger to me (my partner seems less sensitive to it than I am). So rather than me ‘over react’ whenever she gets the ‘aggressively exaggerated’ zoomies (as I have chosen to call it) and decide prematurely to give her ‘time out’ in her huge comfy crate, I have just been trying to get more fresh air and keep myself actively busy elsewhere in the house. This has given me time to think straight.
My first discovery was that, as I had no time for looking at my phone while trying to keep myself out of the room sometimes and occupied, I have spent a little of that time doing a bit of reading, and standing outside among other important or useful stuff I’d been putting off around the house. I haven’t had chance to even sit at my desk let alone turn my laptop on during the day, and I have missed sitting on my arse glued to the screen trying to do my writing whilst being constantly interupted or just procrastinating all day. By the time when the house gets cosy and quiet late at night, I’m usually too exhausted to write PLUS because I’ve been thinking about writing all day long and struggling (out of desperation) not inspiration all day I usually fuck up.
See the letter you read above this one came out all wrong. All cocky (arrogant) and all I had been trying to do was tap into something inside me, away from all the chaos and bullshit at home. I was writing on the back of terror and trying to make light or escape from it. Neither worked out for me and it was still sitting in my drafts folder this evening. I thought I had sounded ‘confident’ which is something I’ve never felt but at times people thought ‘I oozed in it’ (I heard that from one person in bar back when I was 21 and have never forgotten and dined out on that comment ever since).
He had probably, if I’m not blowing smoke up my own arsehole about it now, trying to get into my knickers and would have told me anything he thought I might want to hear, or knowing my luck, he might have presumed, nobody would have ever said that to me before knowing how insecure I really was inside, so he thought he’d try a surprise! A tactical move that didn’t work just made me drink more and a lot faster, act more like a disaster and end up getting so messy he didn’t bother joining me in the taxi is crumpled me up into and sent on my merry way to wherever I told the driver to go!
Trying to be comical and inject a bit of the old personality back into my letters and even so… all that to me might be alright but also could be an epic fail.
I’ve felt quite nervous, worried and anxious just ‘future tripping’ about “what if this playing goes too far?” and other concerns like “what if something is wrong with her?” and “would I be doing the right thing by Lola (dog) if I do put her in the crate whenever I feel scared or that things may escalate?”
I welcomed the distractions of being stressed out and scared into doing other things, which is where I think the lessons are coming into it for me. To make me a stronger better person to enable me to do stuff that will support me in the fight against my mental health (schizophrenia) as opposed to doing nothing to help me. My current situation, is fucking tricky to say the least, even the most stoic person would struggle.
It has been teaching me to be a bit more self reliant in terms of managing my problems. Hiding away in other rooms has made me appreciate the silence of my solitude. It’s taught me that not every thought in my head needs to be vocalised or shared with my partner (because half the time I avoided going back in the room they were in being calm, comfortable, happy and quiet together, in case I might ‘disturb the peace’ or jinx the lovely easy atmosphere by going in there to say these things I think.
I’m scared that by teaching me to be a bit more ‘independent’ emotionally is a sign that those ‘changes’ I have been fearing, or dreading (to do with my relationship ending or having to rehome our dog) might be inevitable in the future. This is a Catch 22 of being fit enough to get us all through it only for it to come crashing down as the end result anyway :((
Final update: Mentally? Fucking Unstable.
I’ve been experiencing the worst hallucinations I’ve ever known.
The faces of demons, ever horror movie, every Tim Burton character, every pet I’ve ever had, ever fight I’ve never faced all staring back at me over the wall of my back garden. One face, scary face, merges into many. Like all the faces of Hell have come to get me. The face of my late Nana who I love and imagine has come to protect me, quickly morphs into the Grim Reaper who has come to get me.
I know its all the chemicals in my brain this time. I’m surviving out of spite!
I visibly shake, like tremble but my mind gets confrontational at the same time. I don’t break down and try to end my life out of spite (like I did twice last time in 2010). I secretly scream telepathically at them, I don’t actually say anything other than “fuck off or c’mon then!!” and I stare them out until I’m done or until the leaves of the trees come back again, or the shadows of the paint on the brick wall of the garden lightens up to reveal the colour again, or until the grass moves and the reflections fade and the army of monsters disapear and I walk away, still alive and kickin’ as they used to say back in the day, to live another day.
CLOSING THOUGHTS VOICEMAIL:
During this recording I ..actually.. reveal my new ‘writing’ and ‘lifestyle’ routine! #plans
recorded on [22.11.25]
CHECK OUT THE FREE PDF BOOK BY KATHY ACKER!
Content & Trigger Warnings for this book! DOWNLOAD FULL EBOOK /PDF.
I don’t know what this book contains because I haven’t read it read but going from the title of the first essay/ chapter/ installment.. I felt a pang of gunpowder blown up my arse! I get triggered by certain things but I exercise my own capacity of self control. I might feel the pull on the trigger but I’m able to prevent the mechanisms on the inside from responding. A trigger is only a small part of firing an entire gun and aiming it at someone or yourself. Usually yourself. Don’t let it happen. Read at your own free will.
[20.11.25] - this was already completed before I updated and published this letter.
I’m spending some part of today reading through this however triggering the topics may be for me. I hope you appreciate the writing and the writer as much as I do since discovering her works recently. For now I have to dash off to the library to return some physical books and get some more. My chaperone awaits me… TAKE IT EASY..x
Kind-Regards,
..your mate Chasey! ..x
