It Gets Better!💗[21-11-23]
🤍🎧Slice of Life🍷Confessional🍷Musings 🎧🤍
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Dear Chasers💗
Well, haven’t I been a ray of absolute annoying sunshine, a whoosh of fresh air and a totally depressing wreck lately! I have this mantra for everything… “IT GETS BETTER”
my music mixes that my friend’s aren’t enjoying yet..
my newsletter that I am not getting hearts on yet…
my mindset when I can’t get out of a bad mood…
my poetry when I am not quite feeling it…
my unimpressive cleaning skills…
my sorry excuse stories…
my late timekeeping…
my un-adhered to promises…
my lame blowjobs….
my inability to filter my conversations….
my, my, my… it’s the same mantra for me “IT GETS BETTER”
This seems to work for me and I say it because I believe it. I say it because in my eyes it is true. I beleive that everything that I do needs to be considered. A considered life. I need to be realised. I need to be thought about. Seen, heard, contemplated, touched, read, tasted before you can begin to enjoy and understand everything that I do. It’s how I understand myself.
I mean with music it’s quite simple. It takes me about twenty minutes into the mix to warm myself up and catch on to the flow of things. Yeah, several misjudgements appear here and there. Most DJ’s chop off that warm up part and kick things off once their gears are oiled and they’re fully loaded. Their mixes are tight.
Same with other writers I can imagine their unedited work can sometimes come across as shoddy as mine, because mine are unedited. Not unloved or not cared for it has been looked over. Just leaving the rawness there and the less touched up it is the more authentic and likable it is to me. I only gel with my shitty first draft it’s all I have in me. It’s all I need (currently).
I don’t believe at this stage in my life and my art or work as I prefer to call it, like a child at play, I am ready to produce polished products. The saying goes ‘ you wouldn’t polish a turd would you? “ What would be the point? Well, no but you could roll it in glitter! yeh, all that. I wouldn’t want to frame a wart either but most people would hide it or a mole would be concealed. Why? why chew up your own soul.
Art is something made from nothing. I wish I could make bad art. Most of the time I cannot allow myself to call my ‘work’ art. I need to read up more on the difference between ‘craft’ and ‘art’ and nah, fuck it. I just want to write.
I said previously, to see what’s inside. It’s probably going to be as ugly as the outside but I still wouldn’t prefer to manipulate it and make it into something it was never meant to be. I’d never get a face lift (what if the cunt underneath is more disgusting that the one on top..meh!). I would still show my face at the shops and outside but I’d only take myself to places where I feel comfortable.
This is my place here on Substack. My new home. I made a mistake and published a bit of stuff tonight (dated 19-11-23 but which I produced last night on 20-11-23 and in my haste left the old date on) I meant to hide it in the paid Secret Section but was so stressed out that I forgot to do so. By the time this one goes out it will be 21-11-23 because we’re close to 2:00am now.
The house has been restored back to habitable bliss. The pile of laundry has been looked after. The household has been restored to a peaceful state of cleanliness too, both spiritually and physically or practically. In other words. We’re comfortable.
I wanted to write something on a better note than before. I believe that I may have lost a very special subscriber tonight, I know that I have because I removed him. I didn’t want my close friends and family (or both) to read the things I have been talking about because it upsets them.
It’s so fucking nice to sit here with my chromebook on my knee again, the house softly purring in the background, congeniality is the aroma spreading joy between the two rooms. We have since switched sides, like ships in the night. Only we were driving those ships so they butted heads a few times before settling into each of our harbours.
I love being back in the main room because it’s where my desk lives. I’ve already told you about the bedroom being the room-of-doom. My partner is enjoying some lying down time. He has slept for a few hours tonight and is awake now watching some sort of series or movie on the bedroom TV. Quite content. Only now I’ve just got started again, it’s time for bed.
I’m even getting better at doing that now too (without any resistance). Some times it takes a really huge dollop of shit to hit the fan - so when little stuff like ‘going to bed when I don’t want to happens’ I think, well it’s not as bad as not being able to write at all. I’ll write again in peace in the morning and remember when you’re down on anything at all… “IT GETS BETTER” because Chasey told you so… hahaha! Take it easy.xxx <3
Thank you for reading me! Big Warm HUGS xxx💗
