"WHAT YOU FROM?"💗[12-12-23]
**ALL THESE STRANGE DISTINGUISHED PEOPLE**..!🤍x
If you like your newsletters without politics or preconceptions or seeking a break from the norm you may have just found your new hangout.x
12 December 2023
Dear Chasers💗
What You From? He says! - Not where you from? or who are you? or hello beautiful! Nope, not a kiss me arse or fuck all. Is this how we greet people in this day and age? Just the fact that I say “day and age” suggests I should have one or both legs climbing into a coffin I’m so old and ancient yet, I’m still getting ‘hit up’ apparently on my private Facebook Messenger. What I should have said is “where’s my dick pic!? Well..?!!!” That’d got rid of him quicker than my actual response did and let’s say it didn’t and had encouraged him… no let us not say that because the thought of anything like that happening, in reality, fucking terrifies the tits off me. It was with that knowledge why I did what I did. I was kind, friendly and polite. But that’s nothing on what happened to me on the phone call which I’ll talk about in a minute or two.
This “MSG” was sent to me on Sunday night and now it’s the early hours of Tuesday morning and I’m still sitting here thinking about it. Mind, consciously resting at a subconscious baseline of anxiety and fear being ping-ponged between confused and paranoid back and forth - once every hour or so. Thanks a lot, spooky viking man! Why me? What did he want? What’s going to happen about it? What the fuuuckk! \(,”)/ I’m wasting precious thinking time worrying about this idiot. I know I shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. I don’t always do this but sometimes (ok maybe all of the time) I do this to myself. It probably has a lot to do with my life experiences. **Yawns alongside you!**
I get scared and worried and when nothing else is going on around me, I ruminate. I had reached the precipice of the weekend’s excitement by the time he dropped in on my chat, like a little bit of sick from acid reflux in the middle of the night, and then fucked off again at the speed of light. Only leaving me in a very awkward position, where I had to decide: Do I show this to my partner (who gets a bit jealous and controlling) and who is out looking after a dying women’s dog at the moment, do I delete and block like nothing ever happened? Or should I just leave it there, saving it as part- evidence, part-validation that, on my end, it had been a completely innocent interaction with nothing more to say about it and definitely nothing to hide!? I opted for the latter because it was the final thought that I’d had out of three consecutive guesstimations and… it’s quite typical for me to take the last one as being the best conclusion. Makes sense right!? I always go with the last and I’m always the last to go when the universe is telling me to run away.
THROW IT AT ME - I BEG YOU TO DARE!!
I will be staying a few days here with my Mum (and possibly over the main festive period) depending on whether or not my partner will be doing his dog sitting duties on Christmas Day. He said he wants to come home to me because it kills him to waste the opportunity to get that huge leg of lamb out of the freezer for us. How lovely of him to think this way. ‘I’ll miss you on the day’ I think to say but change my mind and reply, ‘yeah, it would be a crying shame not to spend quality time with our 7lbs of flesh on a butchered bone, *I really will miss you* Baby, don’t stress about it, there's always Boxing Day *COME HOME - I’ll be bad to the bone!* dinner”. Boxing Day is better but it's always the day I can never keep track of. I’m like a kid in a car like “is it here yet?” Blink and it’d be gone. I’d miss that day too, especially if there was nobody around to tell me when.
All this said on video call. So many things go through my head when he’s away from home. Feels like my whole life is on hold after three days alone. I am my own worst companion if I don’t keep my time occupied. That’s why I try to write all day every day. I have a hard time keeping my head straight at the best of times. I know, that as long as my brain is stimulated and releasing the pressure of creativity onto something or someone that’s when, I am my sole fucking HERO. When it comes to standing guard over my own perspective, I do that the best when I am alone. Swings & Roundabouts, Peak & Troughs, Kettle - Black!. I admit that I’m not that bothered either (about being apart for Christmas). It’s not getting me down at the minute. I am actually enjoying the added time of freedom to do my own thing. I get my own pocket money - don’t let me get into that extortion urm. I mean, the situation of finance dynamics. I will say that I am only ever referring to my own wage. I only take what is mine. I only want the money that I earn myself, I talk about what’s mine. I don’t get enough access to what is mine all the time. THIS TIME though, I have the opportunity to spend my half of the household ‘allowance’ on whatever the fuck I want. I’m not supposed to.. I’ve been told to buy food but I have already broken the rules. Not by a long stretch in theory - I still spent the money on food. Just not groceries but a take out delivery. Which went tits up too.
I’m still so so fuming about the shittiest customer service that I received after enquiry why items were missing from my order and had been supplemented with something so utterly shite. I was told “that’s right” - *what’s right? why* - we had no meat and potato pies so we threw in a gingerbread man biscuit instead. Arrgh.. So what happened to the chilli con carni pastie we ordered. “You got a cold fishfingers baguette instead”.. Oh! am I supposed to be Okay with that kind of fuckery! AND WHEN I’M SO HUNGRY»>!
The girl who spoke to me over the phone had no manners (brains or decorum for that matter) whatsoever and made me feel as though it was me who had approached her with a bad attitude. I hadn’t thought I’d done that. In actual fact, I was ashamed of feeling bad for having NOT reacted to her bad. I was contemplating on just suggesting that next time if any items from my order were unavailable could they possibly have the fucking decency to give me a call on the phone number I provided for (fuck all so it shows) and given the option to decide for myself what replacement items I’d like to eat. The daft cunt thinks she can chuck anything in like its a gift to charity from a fucking foodbank.
I know the old saying that ‘beggers can’t be choosers’ but I had just paid £26 quid for a bag of savouries from the Bakery just down the road from my Mum’s £1.99 of that was for a delivery of less than 0.8 mile - a 3 minute drive (no we don’t drive) and was happy to pay £0.30 for the paper bag (which happened to snap on our driveway - I’m surprised that the fucking gingerbread man didn’t try and run off! What I hadn’t realised is the reason behind why they don’t charge more than £0.50 as a service charge. Because, they’re hiring the most gormless angsty muppet staff that I’ve ever had the displeasure of fighting over food with..!
I WAS LIVID (not with the actual food replacements or lack of opportunity or the injustice of it or even the disappointment of wasted finances… etc. ) none of it had anything to do with what I was given or why I was given it or anything. It was just this person on the end of the telephone that pushed my buttons. I was fuming and angry and mad crazy and about to go ‘SiiiiICK AT HER’ - it’s takes a lot to get me to lose my shit but when I do go mad over the fucking phone it goes a little something like this. . .
Yes… I am THAT CRAZEEEEE..(0_o).. which leads me to our EXIT SONG my favourite all rounder poet, artist, entertainer, music producer, musician, singer, songwriter, everything except a person who takes any shit (where were you when I needed you Matt!?? LOL) I wish he had have taken that phone call for me.. unfortunatley he lives all the way in the hottest, sexiest place on earth. L-fucking-A dude! Oh, and the slightly irritating obstruction that this guy doesn’t really (not really, really, really) know that I even exist! I don’t spin on his axis… hahahahah! Whatever that means. Here is the legend himself - check out his channel for writers / Poets.
Thank you for being here with me and reading this and hearing me out tonight! BIG soft Warm HUGS Lots of Love from ME..xxx💗
